Just as the page says....these are my short stories. ^^

- CRUSH -

I laid my head against the cold desk’s top. My cheeks were burning from embarrassment. Had I really just said that? I groaned brought my head up a few inches up before slamming it back down. I was such an idiot. He was my best friend…I couldn’t expect him to feel the same. I shouldn’t of been feeling like this in the first place. Wasn’t it enough that he even excepted me? Did I have to need more? I couldn’t control how he made me fill.
It didn’t start like this…It never had to be like this. We used to be able to just hang out and enjoy life to the fullest, but I had to complicate things. Now overtime he enters the room my heart stops dead in its tracks and the world crashes down on me. I’ve never wanted to be with someone so much. He knew me inside out, he knew the perfect words to say and when to say them. It was like he was my heroine, soothing the aching I had within. I needed him like I needed a bullet in my head.
I couldn’t hold back my feelings any longer…I ruined everything. I remember the expression on his face, the haunting rejection in his eyes. He didn’t feel the same…Even though not a single word escaped his lips…I knew how it had to be. I only wish the bell wouldn’t have rang at that second. I needed him to say it. No matter how much it would hurt…I needed to know he didn’t want me.
Could things ever go back to the way they were? Could we ever stay up for hours on the hone talking about stupid stuff aimlessly without care? Did I take away the moments of bliss we would of shared tomorrow, or week from now? The only one that knew everything…The only one I could trust was going to back away because I fell in love with him.
Flashbacks of a year ago played a slow, endless slide show through my thoughts while the teacher’s voice played as music in the background.
It was in the middle of the semester and everyone had already grown accustomed to their surroundings and had friends to complain to when the teachers’ assigned to much homework.
I was new and I didn’t speak much. Shy, a trait my mother and I shared. I was sitting all alone at a table in the far corner of the courtyard. The sun burned my eyes and my stomach was too knotted to digest anything.
I was nearly lying in my food when I heard a light clank of metal hitting metal. I sighed and looked up. It was a boy…with light hair and light eyes. He smiled slyly at me before sitting in front of his tray of food that was across from me.
“Hey I’m Shawn.”
I looked back down. I didn’t want him to talk to me. I was still too confused. His grinned widened.
“You’re not shy are ya?”

I couldn’t fight back a grin.
“No.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Then you don’t have a name…?”

He raised one of his light brown eyebrows.
“It’s Gwen.”
He nodded slowly.
“That’s…unique. Bet there isn’t another Gwen in any of your classes.”
I looked up and met his golden hazel eyes.
“No.”

He battered me with pointless questions until I was practically on the ground laughing. We had the same tastes in everything. Favorite bands, writers…You name it. It was almost like we were twins. Had I loved him then too? Was I blind…Was I giving those vibes off?
More flashbacks came. Each one pushing the next in hast to be remembered first. There were so many nights we’d spent watching movies together. Not like couples would with snuggling and mushy romance. We’d watch horror movies and laugh at the lead female characters that always seemed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Of course we would if we didn’t kill each other first fighting over the remote control. The first night I’d spent at his house I ended up pinning him to the floor just so I could decide how loud the volume was going to be.
I never slept over or anything like that but could stay until the later hours of the night because our houses were on the same block and neither of our parents minded. Eventually I began to know more of his friends and sometimes they’d come over.
Sometimes he’d have a girlfriend under his arm, but he never seemed to let that get in the way of bonding with me. I knew more than half of the girls he hanged out with hated me just because of that.
I smiled thinking about the good times. I ruined everything. I just couldn’t shake this feeling…
I didn’t want to give him up. I didn’t want to walk away and forget everything we had. Even if it was just as friends I wanted to be there for him. Would he still except me?
I felt like ripping the hair out from my head. Friends don’t pressure friends into liking them like a boy should like a girl. It was the fifties anymore…When a guy likes a girl they shouldn’t have to ’feel’ deeply, and passionately for each other. They can be friends…If the girl could just keep her thoughts to herself.
There were things I was dying to tell him. If I apologized for what I said…or tell him that it was mistake…would he still want to be around me? Or would his skin crawl with disgust…Would he feel my eyes on his back at all times…Sense the longing I had for him?
I was thinking too much about this…What if he had misunderstood what I meant…When I whispered ‘I love you’ did he think I meant it in a brotherly way? Could I fake it?
I was filled with so much grief and regret. What was I thinking? That he’d except me with open arms? Hold me and tell me he’d always felt the same way?
It seemed like I was losing my head. I wasn’t thinking clearly, all of those romance books were finally effecting me.
My hands shook and I could fill tears falling down my cheeks. He hated me now didn’t he?
How many times had we joked about love being fake? How many times had we told each other we’d always stick together because we were pretty much blood? Did I just throw that all away because I thought I wanted something more than that? Because I wanted our lips to touch, rather than watching his touch other girls with envy in my eyes?
I felt sick to my stomach. He was the only person who’d ever made me feel…wanted…loved.
The bell rang and class ended. I couldn’t move though, it felt like I was glued to my seat. I watched as everyone exited. When the room was empty I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
I gathered my things and headed out. It was lunch time. I secretly wished that it was still fourth period. Was I ready to face an empty table again?
I buried my hands deeper into my pockets searching for heat as I exited the main building. It was a freezing twenty degrees out and it felt like the tears in the corner of my eyes were crystallizing.
I sighed and a cloud of ghostly air poured out from my mouth. Was it going to snow?
I drug myself to a table near the farthest corner of the court yard.
It felt like hours were passing, I didn’t feel like eating. I felt like digging a hole and dying in it.
I laid my face against my knees. This was pathetic of me! I had to give it up! He was NEVER going to feel the same! I had to get over it…It was just a silly high school crush, right? We weren’t meant to be and we weren’t going to be together forever. Forever ended today.
I stood up slowly and reached for my school bag. I felt someone’s eyes piercing my back. I turned to see Shawn. His expression was the same, hurt, rejecting one that it had been the last time we’d seen each other.
I looked away.
“Gwen?”
His voice was hollow and distant. I stayed silent and began to walk away. He caught my arm and turned me towards him.
“Shawn?”
I returned his tone. What was the worst he could say? I was in so much pain now, that nothing could push me down any further.
“Did you mean it?”
I looked don afraid to meet his glance. I expected him to yell at me, to call me names…To tell me we couldn’t be friends anymore, but instead he titled my chin upwards to where our eyes locked. Just like they had the day we met. His light hazel to my icy blue.
He hesitated nervously before touching his lips to mine. I didn’t know how to react. At first all I could down was lay limp. But when his arms warmed around me in a warm, protective embrace I returned his kiss and clung to him.
All of my worries seemed to vanish. Was this how love felt? I felt snow flakes tangle into my hair before melting. It was snowing…
We were kissing and it was snowing…
“I thought you’d never say it.”
He whispered against my lips.
When our sweet kiss broke I rested my head against his head, basking in his warmth.
I'm not saying I’m perfect. In fact, I’m far from it; I'm just saying I’m worth it. I’m worth his love…I’m worth holding and I realize this more with each second that passes. He is never going to leave me…Because he loves me too.

~ In Love With The Lies ~

I looked over the edge of the building. It was rush hour and main street was packed with speeding cars and passing pedestrians. I smiled to myself...I’d have an audience. I stood up and onto the ledge. Not bothering to look behind me. I wasn’t going to jump though...I wanted him to suffer. How could I have been so stupid trusting someone like him. He wasn’t trying to make it better, he was thinking about himself. What about me? He wanted forever....
After everything...It was going to come down to this. I inhaled deeply. There wasn’t anything left living for. The world had long turned its back on me, and the one person I thought I could trust had faded away to revel someone I hated. That was life wasn’t it? I wasn’t meant to be happy. From the day of my birth I was chosen to suffer and there wasn’t any way I was going to continue suffering for all of eternity.
I thought he was offering his trust, but if I knew he was asking for it...
My hands trembled as I reached into my pocket. I twisted it in between my fingers letting the smooth metal slide across my skin, splitting it almost instantly. I relished the familiar feeling. It’d be my last feeling...The cool blade upon my flesh...That was how it was going to end after all. Only instead of slipping, like in vivid nightmares that lurked in my dark, it wasn’t going to be an accident.
I was dead serious.
I held it tight in my fist, if he so much as saw a glimpse of it, everything would be over.
“Come to your senses please.”
I smiled as he pleaded. I knew by now it was all just an act. he was using me...He wanted too much. Silver I didn’t have to offer.
I turned to face him. My hair blew back out of my face. Leaving it bare. It was cold outside, the fall was setting in and I was wearing shorts that reached the middle of my thighs. Goose bumps ran down them. My hands shook, not from the cold but from being anxious. I knew I was ready to die...I was ready....But something kept trying to hold me back. The way he looked at me...It felt so sincere like he meant what he said. It tore through me like jagged broken glass because I knew he was faking it. No one could love me, it was against an unwritten law. One even vampires from the pits of hell had to obey...
“Senses?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep gulp of fresh air.
“I lost those with my sanity.”
I had to smile to hold back the tears. I couldn’t let him see me waver, because at the first sign he would turn it against me and my will would hold up to those deep set eyes. My walls would crumbled.
“Please. I love you.”
I pursed my lips and shook my head.
“There’s no such thing as love.”
He reached his hand out towards me. I stepped further back. My heels gazed just over the ledge threatening to let me slip.

“Don’t do this...”
His hands fell back to his sides.
I savored every second, even though each one hurt more than the last. I was going to choose my fate. Not him, and not anyone else. this was something I had to do.
I thought about when I was younger...When my family used to go to church every Sunday morning...Would God let me into Heaven? Chills went down my spin, was I ready to go to hell if he didn’t?
I looked down at my exposed arms. I had worn a tank top just for the occasion. My fingers trembled. I had to focus, smooth and straight along the vain. If I hesitated one second he’d find an opening. And there was only one chance.
over the last several days I figured out why Vampires were immortal...You can only die once. No matter what. You have to die to become one...
One chance.
Without another thought I quickly ran the blade down my arm. Something white flashed upwards and snatched my wrist. He held my hand up and away from the other. He was too late though.
I had succeeded. I watched as thick red blood trailed down my arm onto his fingers. I expected everything would end. right then and there. The scent would over power him, just like in all the movies and books. His eyes widened, but not in thirst. But in pure horror at the sight.
I panicked...

My hand, the one that still grasped the blade began to shake. While he looked dumbfounded at me I quickly dropped it into my other hand. It struggled to grasp the blade. I was already loosing too much blood. But I had to be sure. I struggled but somehow my hand found my unmarked arm. I started at the base of my wrist and began to slowly run it up my arm.
He seemed to break apart from his horror and stopped me half way up. his pale ivory skin was tainted by my crimson blood. But somehow he managed not to notice. He was to busy removing me from the ledge.
Everything began to feel transparent, like I could put my hands through it. Then it was like the sky itself was spinning.
My knees gave way to the pressure of gravity. He held me up. For the first time since I’d met him I broke down. Letting him see every once of fear I held. every insecurity, every mistake...
He held me close, guarding me from the wind. For someone meant to be ice his body felt like fire against my rapidly freezing one. Rain began to drench down onto us. But I didn’t have the strength to look back up at the gray, darkening sky. I didn’t want that to be the last thing I saw.
So instead I focused on his eyes...The ones I new all to well. The ones that always watched after me. Did it take death for me to realize...
He wanted forever. But only because he loved me...One hundred years wasn’t enough...He wanted more.
Why...
Everything began to blacken. I’d given up love...Every chance it’d been offered. I had failed at the most simple task given. I had failed at life. I couldn’t even live.
“Don’t give up.”
He whispered in my ear. The ground disappeared and my limbs went limp. It was so hard to hold on. It was too hard to hold on. It felt like I was hanging from a side of a cliff and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find the strength to pull myself up. But I couldn’t let, either.
I had to.
So what is forever? If you were to ask me I would answer you truthfully. Forever was sixteen years, five months, three weeks, four days and seventeen hours. I’d live forever...forever as memory trapped in this moment. In the arms of the only person who’d ever noticed me, the only one who’d ever loved me.

Hush Little Baby Don't Say A Word....

The darkness was swallowing me whole. Everywhere I looked there it was, taunting me. I’m always running from the dark, hiding in the light. Never for long, soon the light is swollen and I’m running once again. I awoke to the sound of voices running through my head. There were so many people crying out for help, screaming out their pain. Sweat began to roll down my forehead and my skin felt like an open flame was seeping in. I couldn’t control my breathing it was jagged and was ripping through my chest like angry bees. The pain was indescribable like blades were slicing through my skin digging deeper and deeper. Just when the pain reaches it’s peak it stops. Just like that the voices are gone. I’m left to wonder why. Every night I have nightmares of being chased by a cloud of darkness that devours all the light around me, then I wake up gasping for air and suffering the same pain over and over. I’ve asked for help and all the doctors ever say to parents us ’She needs a shrink’. They never take me seriously, to them I’m just losing my mind, well I’m not. “It’s time to get up Kati you’ll be late for school!” My mother didn’t trust an alarm clock to wake me. She had to do it herself. It didn’t matter, like the doctors she thought I was crazy I began to get out of bed when I felt A hand cover my mouth. I began to freak out and with all my strength I tried to pull away. I couldn’t break their grip. It was like fighting steel when you’re only cardboard. “Why, hello Kati it’s nice to finally meet you.” His voice was like a snake’s slither. It was slimy and disgusting. His lips were pressed against my ear and I could feel them move as he spoke. “Now that I’ve found you, you won’t be able to run. Not ever again. There’s no where to hide, how does it feel to be caught?” I tried to scream but his hand only muffled the sound. “Oh, don’t you want to join the voices. You know the ones, the visit you every morning.” I kept trying to break his grip but I just couldn’t, My hands tried to search but they found no body. “Hush little baby don’t say a word...” Though I pulled them back open my eyes were shutting. They wouldn’t stay open. Soon the darkness took over and I couldn’t feel, see, or hear. It was like I was floating in the middle of a pound. Only there was no water, my skin felt wet like it was liquid against my bones. My eyes began to sink in like some one was pulling them from behind me. I began to scream out, but I heard no sound. A warm trickling liquid began to pour down my cheeks. It stung like acid. In a split it felt like needles were seeping into my body. The needles kept getting bigger and bigger; my skin split. Like a coin being tossed into a wishing well; only my skin didn’t calm like the water would it stayed open. Finally something large landed at my center crushing everything beneath it like I was glass. I wasn’t dead though I could hear heavy breathing beside me. I could feel it leaking into my ear it didn’t feel like air, instead it felt moist. Though I couldn’t see I knew hands were tracing my body, I could feel them. “She’ll live, but another fall like that will be the death of her. Mrs. Jones do you know why your daughter was on the roof?” “No. She was screaming ‘let me go’ and ‘I’m going to get away.’ then she just fell face first.” “She’s lucky the tree caught her. If she had hit the ground we wouldn’t be talking right now.” “ I know this is hard for you Mrs. Jones but I need you to sign these forms allowing us to place her in our mental ward. She needs help her file shows that this isn’t the first time we’ve recommended she seek help. Do it for your daughter.” “All right.” The sound of a pen scratching paper followed my mother’s voice. Then I felt her hand brush against my face. “ Everything will be all right Kati...I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then she was gone. I expected silence but the ’good doctor’ began to speak...Maybe I did need help.... “There, there Kati. (His voice became darker like.) Hush little baby don’t say a word...” I began to scream and jump from the bed; several hands began to push me back down. “NO!” I screamed, but it was too late. A gentle tug on my skin of a needle entering my flesh let the darkness swallow me whole.




 

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