Woah...me, me who?

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SAFETY PINS

It’s written on my skin
Ink for each Sin

Dug in deep
And slaughtered from within
Broken
Tangled
Jagged
Hints of metal
Tints of black
Flakes of flesh
If it’s what it takes
If it’ll hold together
No matter how many times it breaks

Give me Safety pins.

Mend my crocked soul
And make it whole
Sew back together the slashes
And staple together the shattered pieces
Throw out the tattered clothe
And whip away the thoughts
That cling desperately together
Upon my back
Clip my wings
This angel no longer sings
Take away the pain
Of playing this cruel game
Give me safety pins

Look into the broken mirror
and see the lost dreams
That were once dear
Grasp the nightmares
That dare come near
Protect me
I am blind
I no longer see
The light that’s to shine
I am mute
My ears are covered
by the shadows of our despair
I am suffocating
Because there is no more air
I am hollow
I am bare
When you left
You took me
But left the shell
When I fell
You ran
You broke away
Without a thing to say
Give me safety pins

It lies on the floor
Tore apart
You broke it you know
And now there a space
Where there should be a heart
Pieces are missing
No one is listening
To it’s steady beat
That echoes against the walls
Or the dripping blood that falls

There is no way to put it back together
There is no way to shelter it from
The storming weather
It’ll never be whole again
Give me a safety pin...




 

 

Pulling Apart My Own Sanity

~

I’m going to scream as loud as I can...But you won’t hear me will you?

How can I stay silent when it’s eating me whole?

How can you stand there watching as I fall...

As the pain devours my thoughts, as my sanity tangles into knots...

How can you smile...

When I cry why can’t you see

Why can’t you accept that I’m messed up

I’m not strong, I’m weak

Limp at the knees

Echoes through my thoughts

Crippled from each of your shots

Every little thing you don’t do

Weighs on my shoulders

The mass of the world you’ve given me

Why can’t you see?

Why can’t you accept me as the only one I can be... The darkness is suffocating

The loneliness is my only embrace

Among the silent walls that fill my space

Within the depths of paranoia

They seek me out

They call to me

This is how you should be...

Over and over

It’s never me

I’m perfect see?

See the mask and it’s integrate shield

See my past and it’s nasty scars

that fester and complain

See how sane I am

Talking to myself about how you never help

Holding myself in place of you

I’m my own comfort when I’m blue

Only I can make it stop

Only in time to keep my heart from

a suicidal pop

I’m standing in front of a mirror

Thinking of you my dear

Comparing us again

Skin to skin

Hair to hair

Should I care how much better you are

Should I worry that I’m not a size four

Does it bother you

Like it bothers me

That I can’t sing

That I can’t dance

Does it matter if I continue to grow fatter

Another cut to the wrist

Another silent wish

I go through each day with a hope

That one day I’ll stop disappointing you

That one day he’ll come back

I’m the reason he left, aren’t I?

Nagging and bickering

Pushing him away

I’m the reason he isn’t there for you

And everyday it adds to list

Pros to ending it now

The cons to why I can’t tell

And each day the blade grows closer to it’s slip

loosening my grip

On reality

The farther apart we grow

The less and less that you know

The guilt threatens to smoother me

The greed feeds me the fear I desire

Like the point of a wire digging deeper into my flesh

Like the shatter picture frame surrounded by glass

The once happy family split in two

These are the horrible thing I do

Another piece from the pile

The numbness that fills the spaces you left

The act of taking more, no longer a pity theft

I’m taking to much

I want you to myself

Even if you never spoke a word to me

This is the monster I’ve become

The devil at my shoulder whispering secrets I have to keep

Another glance in the mirror

The image breaks

This is what I’ve become

Something hungry for love

Willing to kill to be seen

TO BE ME

There are things inside....That I try to hide.
Thoughts I want to wipe away.
There are times I want a blue sky
And all I get are clouds
I want to heal the wounds I bare
To just drift away without a care
If I could I would drip away into the ground......
Disappear, and never be found
It’s the pain I have, it’s the feelings I regret
And Yet there’s always something in the way

something that ruins my day
There are things I say, things I do
But you won’t listen will you?
I want to be missing
I don’t want to be seen
I want to run away and hide
I don’t need you by my side

Can’t I disappear...Can’t I stay invisible?
I don’t want your help!
I want to leave........
Can’t you see? This Is the real me.....
The one that is bare without the mask
The one that is weak......Lying here in her defeat.
Drain and cut, bled and dried. Now lying here waiting to die.
I am a shadow to someone else.
Just a burden they house.
A child without a cause....
I’m like a piece of clothe against the river
Bending, but never tearing
The water watching away the dust and dirt......
But never taking away the hurt
I’m just here.
And I don’t want to be
Please. Let go
I want to leave
I’m tired of crying......It’s worse than dying
To have your heart ripped out.
To feel the pressure
To feel the pain, and to bleed
Just to stain the white of my skin
Just to watch as the life I held
Withers away...Little by little.
Not just today...Everyday.
Do you realize what you do to me?
I’m not hurting myself.....
Your hurting me. 
 
There just words to you.
They mean nothing.
But you don’t understand
How hard it is just to stand
As you look, what do you see?
As i bleed how do you feel?
Don’t you care that your killing me?
I can’t live with you, it’s not worth it. I can’t live me.

I’ve took it long enough.
I can’t breathe...I can’t see!
I’m not me!

I will die...and you already know why.
Maybe this time the hurt you feel....Will be what I’ve lived with
All my Life.
If I leave then maybe you’ll see.....Just how it was to be me.

TO BE LOVED

To be loved, when mean the world, more than life itself
If only to know I meant something
If only to feel the warmth of another’s soul
To hear the rhythm of their heart
To feel the lifting of their chest
TO BE LOVED, would fight away the darkness building inside of me
For them to be the shelter that hides me
From the pouring tears
To be there when it seems no one hears
My distant pleads, my shallow screams
TO BE LOVED, would melt my numb soul, thaw my icy fingers
To warm my dying heart
If only from the start, If only we’d never part
It would be the greatest gift, to know your here
Just for me
Just to see my smile, to be worth while.
TO BE LOVED, would be like the sun before the snow, the scent before the rain
The sweet honey, the sweet sugar cane
To be with you, to give my love to one
To stand by your side, Wide eyed and unafraid
To see the light among the dark and erase the wounds that crutch my soul
TO BE LOVED, I wish I knew how, I wish I could feel something other than this emptiness
I want to be loved I long to be held, I need to know you’ll never leave
But it’s me that can’t, It’s me that won’t.
You’ll be here, always waiting, anticipating. Watching over me.
But it’s me, it was never you.
I won’t be loved, I won’t be heard.
Without a voice, without a choice.....
What am I to you?
What can I do?
TO BE LOVED, would be like asking God to forget
Would be like asking to give my soul away
To disappear.
I can’t......All I can do is melt away.
Day by day.
Slip further into the dark....
To let it devour my heart.
Little by little.
Until there is no more.
Until there isn’t anything to adore.
To disappear.
TO BE LOVED, would be everything to me........

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